Mother’s Day

Celebrate Moms Influence

Lifelong Relationship

Insights, experiences and lessons

This blog is about Celebrating Mothers everywhere. But it’s also about the often times complicated family dynamic that exists as well. But of course it is more specifically about my own personal family story. “Mateja Petje Mother’s Day” Blog is about insights, experiences and some priceless lessons I’ve learned in my own life. For example research shows Mothers play a huge, pivotal role in our lives. This is especially true when it comes to daughters.

Mateja Petje Mother’s Day

In an ideal world, daughters receive love, attention, support, and wisdom from their moms. This way it enables them to go into the world and follow their dreams and passions. But, unfortunately the world as we know is not perfect, so things don’t always go as planned.

Mothers’ Positive Influences

Fortunately, according to recent research, as discussed in the article in Psychology Today, most adults report positive relationships with their mothers. For example, 88% of adults say their mother has had a positive influence on them. In addition 92% say their current relationship with their mother is positive. I’m curious what your opinion is. How do these numbers appear if we use you as an example? Think about it.

Still, in my clinical practice, these numbers tend to be quite different. Many women, young or old, report having strained relationships with their mothers. Quite often, they suffer from low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and unfulfilled relationships. They blame themselves for not knowing what went wrong and why they cannot form a lasting loving relationship with a man. Many times they did not have a good role model as to what constitutes a healthy and loving relationship or a marriage.

Mateja Petje Mother’s Day- Bonds

So the bond between mothers and daughters is very complex. The bond starts to already develop during pregnancy. Research shows that even fetuses can identify when their mom is stressed and therefore stress can indirectly affect the child’s emotional blue-print. This is a fascinating area of research I personally watch closely. Honestly, I believe I’ve experienced this in my own life.

Mateja Petje Mother’s Day- Miami U

When I was pursuing my Master’s Degree at the University of Miami, I wrote my best essay. It was on the importance of a secure attachment with parents, and especially mothers. Those who are lucky enough get this kind of secure attachment. However, many others who are not so lucky suffer due to insecure and avoidance attachment. This is characterized by fear, anxiety and feelings of abandonment.

Unfortunately, my experience was similar to many other daughters growing up in dysfunctional families. My family on my mother’s side has experienced generations of alcoholism and violence. Men tend to be violent and use alcohol as a coping mechanism. Many times this was an escape from mental and emotional illnesses, including PTSD. My grandfather suffered from PTSD and in the end it cost him his life. 

Mateja Petje Mother’s Day- Coming to America

My mom was not an alcoholic. But she never healed from her own trauma. Instead she lashed out mainly at me. In my tender teen years, I was abused physically, emotionally and mentally. She never sought help for herself.  This was just not something you did in her day. Seeking help for emotional and mental issues is still stigmatized even to this day.

To finally heal from Trauma I had to physically move across the ocean from Slovenia. Now imagine trading places with me. What if you had to move to the US to finally heal from your trauma. You see I’m the first in my family who “broke the cycle”. Frankly, I decided I didn’t want to live this kind of life moreover that I also deserve a healthy, loving relationship. In therapy I learned a lot about myself. I learned for example why I developed Clinical Depression. My healing journey is long and it’s an ongoing process.

Mateja Petje Mother’s Day- Blessing

At the same time, it was also a blessing in disguise as I have been able to help hundreds of women to heal from abuse, trauma, difficult relationships, low self-esteem and the . The women I’ve worked with now have confidence, improved relationships and they have made peace with the past. 

Mateja Petje Mother’s Day- Tips

1.    Forgive your mom and let go. Write a letter to your mom expressing everything and then burn it. You are doing this for your sake so that you don’t carry this burden.

2.    Think about all the good stuff. Don’t always dwell on the bad stuff. One of my fondest memories is when my mom brought me breakfast in bed on Saturdays.

3.    Be your own best parent. Think about what you have always needed from your mom but never got it. Pamper yourself.

4.    Remember that your mom is just doing the best that she can. She learned all she knows from her mother.

5.    When your mom starts with her “usual” nagging, or she is being negative or critical, just gently disengage. Set the boundaries and practice “tough love”.

Thank you for reading!

Best wishes!

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This photo is when I visited home in 2007! I’m from Slovenia as you might have read. It is an amazing country! If you want to explore here is a terrific link.

https://www.visitljubljana.com/en/visitors/

 

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